just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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