ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
