Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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