So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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