You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
