how can u be prego again
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
