Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
