Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
