she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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