I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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