Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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