I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
