I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
