he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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