i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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