doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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