I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
