my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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