guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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