Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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