I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
