I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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