while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He passed out mid-signature
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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