Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
