He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
