it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
