he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
