Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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