I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
