the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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