why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
