Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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