i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
