RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
