Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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