She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
