no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
