somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
