who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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