I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have already put on my inside pants.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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