he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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