Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
