I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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