Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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