I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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