Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
