This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
