I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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