last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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