Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
