I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
