Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
