dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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