Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
